Day 30

I can't believe I vomited 3 times in an hour today, it was really bad..
If we were still together, you would've texted me to asked how I was feeling...
It's been almost a month since we broke up and two weeks since you blocked me..
How are you getting on in your life?
My life has been dull without your lame jokes and activities with you...

People told me to move on that you are not worth my time and that you are a terrible guy..
The said the right thing for me to do is cutting you out completely and doing the things I should do to make myself happy... They said I shouldn't be sad over you and whatever im feeling now should be stopped....
Well, love is irrational...
A lot of the times we know what we should do or what should be done but we never make those choices simply because we are emotional with whatever that is happening..
We are only human, there's a limit to everything that we can handle and bear...
I know the right thing for me to do now is not talk to you, stop loving you and stop caring about whatever is happening or going to happen to you.... This are the rational things that I should be doing now..
But I can't help to feel sad because we are no longer together..
Everything that we've gone through, the memories we shared and the effort we put to nurture the relationship is all gone..
If we could go through all the issues together and not give up, we would have a very strong relationship..
I know what I should and shouldnt do but when you're in love, everything becomes irrational...
Some people would say when you're in a relationship, don't pour your heart out because if the relationship don't work out then you wouldn't be so hurt..
If you really love someone you won't bother about this because all you want is to pour your heart out loving the person the right way and wanting the person to be happy...
Sone people would do anything just to make the other party happy even if it means to hurt your ownselves.. They are not stupid, the are just irrationally, irrationally in love.

I'm deeply in love with you, no doubt to that..
I know how I should stop thinking of you and everything because it's for my own good, for me to move on easier..
I know I should stop caring about you because you don't need my care anymore..
I know I should stop missing you because missing you makes things harder for me..
I know I should stop loving you because loving you right now hurts me..
To let go and not love someone whom you truly love is nearly impossible..
It takes a period of time to adjust and to slowly let the feelings fade....
I know all the right things that I should be doing now but I'm just so emotional over everything that has happened that I can't bring myself doing all the rational things..
All the feelings in feeling and all the things I'm doing is irrational ..
Love is irrational...
Love is a mixture of different emotions going up and down like a roller coaster..
It's fun, exciting, happy but it can also be scary...

You know, I do wonder if I would ever receive a text message from you ever again...
I really miss you a lot....
I don't need  much from you, all I needed was to be in your arms...
The greatest gift you've even given me was the 134 days of your life... The time we spent, the memories we build and the love me once had for each other..
Nothing is going to take that away...
After all the ups and downs and how you hurt me.. Didn't thought I would say this again but...
Panda, I Lava You....

Doraemon misses Panda a lot... She wants to hug him so tightly and giving him a kiss on his cheeks...
Doraemon lava Panda...
Huggles....