I've been sick for the past three weeks but it's just getting worse now..
I feel so weak, miserable and emotional.....
I told myself to be strong and happy because I deserved to..
I told myself you were not worth my time and love because you were simply never into me ..if you were, you wouldn't have let me go...
It's like if I were to question myself and ask if I would ever want to leave you back then... I don't even have to think to answer that question because I knew how I truly loved you and living my life without you will be the last thing I ever wanna do... No matter how hard the situation may be, I will still hold on to you because I love you enough to not let you slipped away...
You on the other hand just chose to leave me for whatever reason it is.. But one thing sure is, you were never into me if you were you wouldn't have let me go...
I'm crying as im typing this simply because I'm feeling very emotional now.... You would care about other people who is sick but you wouldn't care if I'm sick anymore... You said we were still friends but the fact is we are strangers now....
I'm feeling so sick that I've been sleeping very early for the past two days...
I woke up this morning dreaming about you..
I dreamt of you texting me asking if I was feeling better...
The dream was a dream I never want to wake up from because you cared about me in the dream.... You were concerned and you cared even if it was just a friendly thing to do rather than how you are towards me now, cold and treating me like I am a stranger...
At this very moment, I just want want to be in your arms and only yours...
I remembered last year when I was sick, you came to find me to make sure I was fine...
I recalled how you told me back then that you would be my charging station when I'm feeling tired, weak or sad... You'll give me the power to go through everything and anything...
The funny thing is you are still the one and only one who could give me such feeling....
Someone told me how you were being really mean and harsh to me after us breaking up...
How you didn't care bout how I feel or rather you proritizing your own feelings...
How you said we were still friends but acting like strangers around me and being very cold to me....
You told me you're finding your own space, I understand that...
You said you were not only avoiding me but also avoiding the group.. But somehow I think it's more of you avoiding me because of how you act in front of me... How you were disappointed and uncomfortable that I went for the board games session at center point.. It kinda hurts because it feels like I'm such a terrible person to be around that you felt so uncomfortable...
Maybe I'm such a terrible person to be around that seeing my pictures on Instagram and Facebook became a problem to you too...
What am I to you?? Friends? Church members? Or just strangers......
Despite whatever that was done or said...
I just miss you....
I just want to be hugged by you....
I just want to be loved by you....
But... It's never gonna be possible....
You know, I really hate myself....
One moment I feel like telling you how I still feel for you but the next moment I don't want you to know....
One moment I feel like hugging you but I know I can't anymore....
Panda, I find one of the purest form of love is praying for someone without them knowing...
I've been praying for you and always have been...
I told God that I still feel for you but I know that loving someone is not about myself is about the other person, in this case it's you...
I prayed that if you are dating now, I hope that you would find your own happiness and be happy with that girl...
I would be lying if I said I won't be sad, of course I would but maybe just for a short while....
It's easier said than done when I say that I would be happy for you if being happy for you means being with someone else...
It's hard to do but im learning... Ultimately when you love someone, you just want them to be happy....
I want you to be happy...
People said... Being in love is learning how to love that one person the right way and I'm still in the midst of learning.....
I'm learning how to love you from afar because this is all I can do for now......
I really miss you, panda🐼...
If there's one thing I could wish for that would come true now, it would be me being in your arms......
No comments:
Post a Comment