Today was a very memorable and happy day for me...
I decided to go to the Splendor tournament today.. I changed my mind to go was entirely because of you.. I wanted to see you as much as I could before I leave and that this would probably be the last time I'll be able to play in a tournament with you... I also wanted to see you do well in the tournament..
When I decided to join the tournament, I didn't expect to win or to get into the finals..
All I wanted was to have fun with you and that this would be a very precious memory of us playing in a tournament...
Surprisingly I really won the tournament and you got second place!!☺️☺️
I'm happy that I won but I'm happier that you got second place...
You didn't even expect yourself to enter finals and to win second place...
This victory that you achieved will definitely help you to boost your confidence and self esteem as a person... You did very very well and I'm really proud of you...
I'm proud to see you do so well...
I'm proud to see how far you've come...
I'm proud to see you being proud...
I'm proud that my ex panda won a second place in the tournament...
I'm just so proud of you....
We thought the tournament would start early in the morning but it was postponed until 2.30 in the afternoon.. You wanted to forfeit the tournament and leave to a board games session... I'm glad you didn't leave... Because if you have left, I'll never be able to see the proud and happy panda who did so well in the tournament... You once said you were never a challenge to me in board games but today you definitely were a challenge to me... You played my favorite board game well...
We ate brunch together at Canton-i.. I was really happy that we managed to eat together because I thought we would never have the chance to sit down and eat together again...
We were talking about a lot of things and we were both laughing...
You told me you've not seen me so happy before even when we were together...
Well, I guess it's because I'm addressing all the unresolved issues in my life that made me a happier person...
Maybe... I am indeed a happy person but because of all the things that is holding me back made me the stress and tensed up Nicole that you know....
I'm going to address all of my issues and close all the books which are still open...
I'm really happy....
When I'm around you... I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the world....
You were a great boyfriend to me despite all your issues...
I hope I was an okay girlfriend to you too...
Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy...
Nothing makes me feel proud than to see you doing so well in a tournament....
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Friday, January 15, 2016
Day 12
Today I saw you again.....hmm...
I had lunch with Max at the mamak near your office and I didn't expect to see you there...
Somehow when I tapped my hand at your back, you turned and gave me a frustrated kind of look..
It kept me wondering if I did something wrong or if you had a bad day...
Sigh...
I decided to see Carol at 8 something at night today and she told me you were going around that time too..
She asked me if I could come another day so that it wouldn't be too awkward...
Well, what I had on my mind was if you want to avoid me then you should be the one avoiding me, not me... I told her if we bump then we bump if we don't then we don't....
So after facial I went to the hospital and talked to her... I thought you would not come and that you would avoid me.. It was out of my expectation to see you there...
As we were leaving we managed to talk to each other....
It was a good talk..really it was...
I told you how I understood the importance of listening and the issues that was between us...
And you also told me that you are going to look into your issues.. Im really happy because I think you should really sort your issues out....
I've been praying very hard for you to have a breakthrough and I am sure God is already working on you.. I am really proud of you!!
You told me this 2 weeks have been a roller coaster for you.. You are happy, sad, angry and at times you cry... It made me wonder how much did our relationship really meant to you... I thought you were happy and relieved but when I heard you saying all this, I guess I was wrong.. The break up was painful for the both of us...
You also told me you went on a date with one of your friend and you felt something in you is pulling you back.. I guess it's the same for me... phobia of the opposite gender.. LOL!
I did think to myself what if I were to see you dating another women in future.. What would I do...
I guess I'll feel really hurt and sad.. I might not be able to withstand the pain that I'll withdraw myself from your life entirely... I really don't know... I guess only time will tell and I'm sure it would happen very soon... you'll start dating very very soon again...hmmm..
After talking to you today, I realize I have started to let go of you and that I have moved on.. I could talk to you without feeling hurt.. I could smile when I was talking to you... I didn't cry after we left our own ways... Through this whole process and journey, I see us growing into a better person...
I see some minor changes in you and the fact that you want to do something about your issues is already a breakthrough!.. As for me, I guess you would have realized how I am starting to change...
I'm really happy for the both of us that we are growing and maturing individually....
I still think back about our memories together... I really miss those times....
I miss how you hold me in your arms... and how you kissed me... I really missed those times.....
I had lunch with Max at the mamak near your office and I didn't expect to see you there...
Somehow when I tapped my hand at your back, you turned and gave me a frustrated kind of look..
It kept me wondering if I did something wrong or if you had a bad day...
Sigh...
I decided to see Carol at 8 something at night today and she told me you were going around that time too..
She asked me if I could come another day so that it wouldn't be too awkward...
Well, what I had on my mind was if you want to avoid me then you should be the one avoiding me, not me... I told her if we bump then we bump if we don't then we don't....
So after facial I went to the hospital and talked to her... I thought you would not come and that you would avoid me.. It was out of my expectation to see you there...
As we were leaving we managed to talk to each other....
It was a good talk..really it was...
I told you how I understood the importance of listening and the issues that was between us...
And you also told me that you are going to look into your issues.. Im really happy because I think you should really sort your issues out....
I've been praying very hard for you to have a breakthrough and I am sure God is already working on you.. I am really proud of you!!
You told me this 2 weeks have been a roller coaster for you.. You are happy, sad, angry and at times you cry... It made me wonder how much did our relationship really meant to you... I thought you were happy and relieved but when I heard you saying all this, I guess I was wrong.. The break up was painful for the both of us...
You also told me you went on a date with one of your friend and you felt something in you is pulling you back.. I guess it's the same for me... phobia of the opposite gender.. LOL!
I did think to myself what if I were to see you dating another women in future.. What would I do...
I guess I'll feel really hurt and sad.. I might not be able to withstand the pain that I'll withdraw myself from your life entirely... I really don't know... I guess only time will tell and I'm sure it would happen very soon... you'll start dating very very soon again...hmmm..
After talking to you today, I realize I have started to let go of you and that I have moved on.. I could talk to you without feeling hurt.. I could smile when I was talking to you... I didn't cry after we left our own ways... Through this whole process and journey, I see us growing into a better person...
I see some minor changes in you and the fact that you want to do something about your issues is already a breakthrough!.. As for me, I guess you would have realized how I am starting to change...
I'm really happy for the both of us that we are growing and maturing individually....
I still think back about our memories together... I really miss those times....
I miss how you hold me in your arms... and how you kissed me... I really missed those times.....
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Day 11 ( The importance of Listening)
I came across this verse that reminded me of the
thing you dislike about me...
Proverbs 18:2 - "A fool finds no pleasure in
understanding but delights in airing his own opinions"..
It really reminded me of how bad a listener I was
to you and to the people around me...
Little did I know listening plays an important part
in any relationship.. If only I realize how important this was as it was also
stated in the Bible, our relationship might have gone further.. It's too late
to regret now and all I can do is to improve myself and be a better Nicole....
Why is listening so important?
1. Listening is a form of love. By listening, we
put aside our agenda, we take a break from what we are doing and give our
attention to the other. Listening requires selflessness and humility. It is a
form of love and love is good for all relationships.
2. Listening shows you care. Listening shows you
want to understand what the other person is experiencing, is feeling and is
thinking. When someones close to you senses that you are not really listening
to what they have to say, that person is rightfully hurt. Not listening gives
the message that you are not interested in the other person or what the person
has to say. Listening shows you care which in turn strengthens relationships.
All these while you have been talking about how
much you long for people to listen to you but I guess I just neglected your
feelings. I was asking myself why didn't you tell me to change and be a better
listener for you or why didn't you just tell me off.. I guess you didn't want
to change how I was as a person because you feel that it isn't right to change
a person and that shouldn't be the way. Well, I guess to me it's not changing
me, it's becoming a better me.. I hope I can acquire this skills of listening
and be a blessing to the people around me.. If only I realized earlier...
things might have been different...
My feelings was rather mixed up today.. I felt
anger and hatred in me...
I remembered there was once when you told me all
these years no girl's gave you the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship
until you met me.. But 2 weeks ago you told me when you started this
relationship with me, your feelings wasn't as strong as you thought it would
be.. I felt the anger in me and the hatred too... I asked myself why should I
continue loving you, caring for you as well as supporting you when everything
was wrong from day 1.. I asked myself why should I continue waiting for you
when you will never reciprocate to my love or be committed to me... I asked
myself why should I be upset over a guy who claimed to love me but hurts me in
the end...
A different kind of pain I've felt today...hmm...
I asked my mum if she sees any changes in me since
I've started a relationship with you..
She said she could see me going to the right path
back to Christ.. and that I am becoming a better person and know what I want in
my life...
She said the biggest difference she sees in me is
not when I am with you.. Instead it is after we've broken up...
She said throughout this period of us being apart,
the things that I say and do really show's that I've mature and grown up
compared to before... Which she thinks it is a positive change....
Sigh.. must I go through a break up to grow and
mature? It's a very painful way.. but I guess if it was planned by God then He
must have he reasons to allow me to go through this..
I read through all the sweet messages you've sent
to me in the past..
I thought I would cry but I didn't...
I read this message with you saying that you will
never give up on this relationship until you have given your best...
I asked myself if you've given your best.. and I
also asked myself if you have ever asked yourself this question before you gave
up on us...Sigh...
You know I really feel like giving up on
you.. when I have made my mind to give up on someone/something.. I will go all
out doing it and there will never be any U-turn... But somehow, there's this
feeling in me telling me not to close this book..... I don't know why am I
feeling this way..
I prayed to God that if you are meant for me,
please do not bring anymore guys into my life and just leave things the way it
is.. I'll just wait for the right timing for us to reconnect again...
I suddenly have this urge of hugging you from the back, squeezing you
tightly against my body... feeling the warmth of your body... I miss hugging
you a lot....
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Day 10
Yesterday night I read an article regarding broken relationships and reconciliation..
I guess that article really helped me to move on from you and from our past relationship..
A lot of the things that was mentioned in the article was really relevant to me..
It says that if I continue to be depressed, sad or hurt, the next time when you see me.. all you will feel is negative vibes from me... and it will just remind you of our failed relationship... Instead if I were work on myself during this period when we are barely friends, the next time when we talk or when we communicate again, you will feel that I am a more confidence and happier person.. Well, at least it gives you some positive feeling when we finally talk again... If I were to continue to be down and depressed, I think it will just drive you further away... Cause I will just remind you of all the failed and sad things in our relationship... I believe if we were meant to be together or to reconcile in future, everything will have to start from scratch.. This is because the platform of our relationship is already broken and to have a new relationship, we will have to build a new platform again.. We will have to get to know each other and be friends again and see where things take us...
I also cut my hair yesterday.. it's like a new start, a new beginning and also a new me =)....
This morning I said a prayer for the both of us that God will continue to bless us in our friendship and relationship.. and also to give us strength and wisdom to overcome our issues in our life... I also prayed to God that during this time where we are not contacting each other, I prayed that He will reveal our true feelings for each other.. that if I really love you, during this time apart, I'll miss you more.. and that if you still like me, you'll think of me more... and that we will both realize the importance of each other's presence in our lives.... I believe if we are really meant to be, during this time of us being separated and not contacting each other will make us realize how much we meant to each other.. There is a saying that says "absence makes a heart grow fonder"... I do believe it ~...
During lunch today, I purposely went down late to buy fruits, hoping to avoid bumping into you...
I think the more I avoid you, the more I bump into you...
As I was walking to the fruit stall, I saw you running back towards your office..
We smiled and said hi to each other...
Well, my heart was beating very fast... just like the first time I saw you again back in June 2015..
After buying fruits, I was walking back to office and I saw you running toward my direction.. I was shocked... I asked you why were you running here and there... You answered " I came back to talk to you".. I was wondering what else is there to talk between us... You asked me if I was going to UK to study and if I have decided... Sigh.. It was quite an okay chat for a couple who has just broken up... it didn't feel as awkward as I thought it would be... It's a good start I guess...
I'll definitely miss you from UK........
I guess that article really helped me to move on from you and from our past relationship..
A lot of the things that was mentioned in the article was really relevant to me..
It says that if I continue to be depressed, sad or hurt, the next time when you see me.. all you will feel is negative vibes from me... and it will just remind you of our failed relationship... Instead if I were work on myself during this period when we are barely friends, the next time when we talk or when we communicate again, you will feel that I am a more confidence and happier person.. Well, at least it gives you some positive feeling when we finally talk again... If I were to continue to be down and depressed, I think it will just drive you further away... Cause I will just remind you of all the failed and sad things in our relationship... I believe if we were meant to be together or to reconcile in future, everything will have to start from scratch.. This is because the platform of our relationship is already broken and to have a new relationship, we will have to build a new platform again.. We will have to get to know each other and be friends again and see where things take us...
I also cut my hair yesterday.. it's like a new start, a new beginning and also a new me =)....
This morning I said a prayer for the both of us that God will continue to bless us in our friendship and relationship.. and also to give us strength and wisdom to overcome our issues in our life... I also prayed to God that during this time where we are not contacting each other, I prayed that He will reveal our true feelings for each other.. that if I really love you, during this time apart, I'll miss you more.. and that if you still like me, you'll think of me more... and that we will both realize the importance of each other's presence in our lives.... I believe if we are really meant to be, during this time of us being separated and not contacting each other will make us realize how much we meant to each other.. There is a saying that says "absence makes a heart grow fonder"... I do believe it ~...
During lunch today, I purposely went down late to buy fruits, hoping to avoid bumping into you...
I think the more I avoid you, the more I bump into you...
As I was walking to the fruit stall, I saw you running back towards your office..
We smiled and said hi to each other...
Well, my heart was beating very fast... just like the first time I saw you again back in June 2015..
After buying fruits, I was walking back to office and I saw you running toward my direction.. I was shocked... I asked you why were you running here and there... You answered " I came back to talk to you".. I was wondering what else is there to talk between us... You asked me if I was going to UK to study and if I have decided... Sigh.. It was quite an okay chat for a couple who has just broken up... it didn't feel as awkward as I thought it would be... It's a good start I guess...
I'll definitely miss you from UK........
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Day 9
People say as time pass, the pain and the feeling of sadness will reduce..
I can say that it's all lies... It's the second week into our break up and I'm feeling worse...
I'm feeling very upset, hurt and depressed..
I can't stop thinking about you and about us...
Every time when I think of us,I cry...it feels like we've just broken up yesterday...
All the memories we shared seems like just yesterday...
During lunch today when I was walking downstairs, I saw you..
I didn't know what to do so I walked pass you and acted as though I never saw you...
I walked right in front of you so I guess you might have saw me too... But I guess you are feeling the same thing like I do that is why you didn't acknowledged me...
When we were friends, we could easily say hi and talk together or even walking together...
When we were together, if we saw each other we would smile and talk together... We would walk together hands in hands...
What have we become now?
We can't even say the simplest thing, we can't even say hi....
The difference in our relationship is greatly felt.....
I do wonder what are you feeling now and how do you feel about me...
But I know that you will never regret breaking up with me and you will never look back and reconcile with me....
What am I doing here? Why am I still stuck here while you have already moved on...
I heard a song today that explains my feelings for you....
Right Here Waiting For You
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you
I can say that it's all lies... It's the second week into our break up and I'm feeling worse...
I'm feeling very upset, hurt and depressed..
I can't stop thinking about you and about us...
Every time when I think of us,I cry...it feels like we've just broken up yesterday...
All the memories we shared seems like just yesterday...
During lunch today when I was walking downstairs, I saw you..
I didn't know what to do so I walked pass you and acted as though I never saw you...
I walked right in front of you so I guess you might have saw me too... But I guess you are feeling the same thing like I do that is why you didn't acknowledged me...
When we were friends, we could easily say hi and talk together or even walking together...
When we were together, if we saw each other we would smile and talk together... We would walk together hands in hands...
What have we become now?
We can't even say the simplest thing, we can't even say hi....
The difference in our relationship is greatly felt.....
I do wonder what are you feeling now and how do you feel about me...
But I know that you will never regret breaking up with me and you will never look back and reconcile with me....
What am I doing here? Why am I still stuck here while you have already moved on...
I heard a song today that explains my feelings for you....
Right Here Waiting For You
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you
Monday, January 11, 2016
Day 8
I thought I could move on easily from you as I had answers to my questions pertaining to us...
I felt a sense of relieve knowing how you felt back then and how you feel now...
Last night I asked you if you still like me more than a friend.. You said "we just broke up a week ago, of course I still like you more than a friend.. but the feelings is reducing towards just being friends"..
Well, at least for now, you still feel for me to a certain degree....
Today when you left the Board Games group chat, I felt needles pricking my heart...
You are trying to cut off all connections with me.. the only group chat that is left for us in Homes and our Board Games group chat....
I do wonder if you would exit it too....
Watching you cutting off all our connections really feel painful....
There's nothing left between us... I know its meant to be this way but.. it definitely hurts...
Today Yin Li asked me if I really did put your feeling before mine..
All these while I thought I did put your feelings before mine.. but I guess I am wrong....
She said if I did put your feeling before mine then I wouldn't have brought or created any issues during your exam period... She asked me to think of you would feel good about it back then... Thinking about it she's right... You are stressed with your exam and here I am adding burden to you...
I guess maybe all this time, I cared about how I feel and what I want... It wasn't about me caring how you felt but me caring about how I felt...
I'm really sorry for neglecting your feelings and not prioritizing your feelings before mine..
I am really sorry...
I feel so depressed today......
After work I drove straight home and sat in the car... I looked at the parking lot in my condo where you once walked passed...
I remembered somewhere back last year when I had fever, you drove to my condo to see me.. You came with a coconut juice.. and you spent time in my room watching one episode of flash before you left for home...
It will always be a very sweet and memorable memory of how you took care of me when I was sick....
I really don't know who am I going to move on....
I really love you so so much...
I never knew I could love someone to this extent... You are the first and I hope that you will also be the last...
There are a lot of people telling me to date around and don't give up on a first because of a tree..
But to me... you weren't just a tree.. you were everything....
I told them that I will never be able to be in another relationship for quite some time and that I am in no position to have one,..
I have been avoiding a lot of guys lately.. Now that I am heart broken, I do not want to use other guys to get over you... If I were to date or be with them, I will definitely feel better because there's someone loving me and caring for me.. but it's not the right way... I do not want to rebound....
You just mean so so much to me....
It'll take a very long time for me to let go of you and to accept that there will never be a "we" anymore...
I do wonder if you would love me again in future....
Last night when I asked you if you think we could ever be together again.. You told me"you don't' know"....
You said you agree with what Dorin said.. that if I believe that meeting you at UOB and HSBC again is fated and destined by God... and that if we are really meant to be together... God will eventually bring us back together... What we are going through now is a way for you and I to grow into the person God wants us to be and also to address the issues we have in us... If we were meant to be together by God, when we have grown into a fuller version of ourselves, that it would be the right time for us to be together again... Maybe we're not meant to be together for now and that we are meant to be together in future when you and I have both grown into the mature and fuller versions of ourselves...
You said you totally agree with what she said because you strongly believe if we are meant to be together... We will eventually be together in future...
I remembered telling you what WF said about me leaving to Singapore yesterday... that if we were meant to be anything in the next upcoming months or year... It would never happen and that I would have killed all hopes because I choose to leave Malaysia... And you answered me" I don't really agree with what he says because if it is meant by God, we will eventually be together again.. but the journey of getting back together might be tougher"....
I am still thinking and reevaluating my decision to leave......
I will definitely miss you a lot.......
I felt a sense of relieve knowing how you felt back then and how you feel now...
Last night I asked you if you still like me more than a friend.. You said "we just broke up a week ago, of course I still like you more than a friend.. but the feelings is reducing towards just being friends"..
Well, at least for now, you still feel for me to a certain degree....
Today when you left the Board Games group chat, I felt needles pricking my heart...
You are trying to cut off all connections with me.. the only group chat that is left for us in Homes and our Board Games group chat....
I do wonder if you would exit it too....
Watching you cutting off all our connections really feel painful....
There's nothing left between us... I know its meant to be this way but.. it definitely hurts...
Today Yin Li asked me if I really did put your feeling before mine..
All these while I thought I did put your feelings before mine.. but I guess I am wrong....
She said if I did put your feeling before mine then I wouldn't have brought or created any issues during your exam period... She asked me to think of you would feel good about it back then... Thinking about it she's right... You are stressed with your exam and here I am adding burden to you...
I guess maybe all this time, I cared about how I feel and what I want... It wasn't about me caring how you felt but me caring about how I felt...
I'm really sorry for neglecting your feelings and not prioritizing your feelings before mine..
I am really sorry...
I feel so depressed today......
After work I drove straight home and sat in the car... I looked at the parking lot in my condo where you once walked passed...
I remembered somewhere back last year when I had fever, you drove to my condo to see me.. You came with a coconut juice.. and you spent time in my room watching one episode of flash before you left for home...
It will always be a very sweet and memorable memory of how you took care of me when I was sick....
I really don't know who am I going to move on....
I really love you so so much...
I never knew I could love someone to this extent... You are the first and I hope that you will also be the last...
There are a lot of people telling me to date around and don't give up on a first because of a tree..
But to me... you weren't just a tree.. you were everything....
I told them that I will never be able to be in another relationship for quite some time and that I am in no position to have one,..
I have been avoiding a lot of guys lately.. Now that I am heart broken, I do not want to use other guys to get over you... If I were to date or be with them, I will definitely feel better because there's someone loving me and caring for me.. but it's not the right way... I do not want to rebound....
You just mean so so much to me....
It'll take a very long time for me to let go of you and to accept that there will never be a "we" anymore...
I do wonder if you would love me again in future....
Last night when I asked you if you think we could ever be together again.. You told me"you don't' know"....
You said you agree with what Dorin said.. that if I believe that meeting you at UOB and HSBC again is fated and destined by God... and that if we are really meant to be together... God will eventually bring us back together... What we are going through now is a way for you and I to grow into the person God wants us to be and also to address the issues we have in us... If we were meant to be together by God, when we have grown into a fuller version of ourselves, that it would be the right time for us to be together again... Maybe we're not meant to be together for now and that we are meant to be together in future when you and I have both grown into the mature and fuller versions of ourselves...
You said you totally agree with what she said because you strongly believe if we are meant to be together... We will eventually be together in future...
I remembered telling you what WF said about me leaving to Singapore yesterday... that if we were meant to be anything in the next upcoming months or year... It would never happen and that I would have killed all hopes because I choose to leave Malaysia... And you answered me" I don't really agree with what he says because if it is meant by God, we will eventually be together again.. but the journey of getting back together might be tougher"....
I am still thinking and reevaluating my decision to leave......
I will definitely miss you a lot.......
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Day 7
While I was driving to church this morning, I cried again..
I used the same highway, the same road to Subang , everything was the same.. The only thing that was different was us...
The moment I walked into church listening to all the worship songs, I cried again.. I went to the toilet and cry... After the praise and worship today, I went out to the toilet with Yin Li to cry again.. I just couldn't stop crying.. I didn't see you at church today.. I thought you were supposed to come and pass me my things..? I guess you must have overslept....
Things are really different for me today..
Usually on Sunday's, we would head to church together.. We would walk into church holdings hands.. After church we would go for brunch and okay some board games... And after that we would head back to your home to rest...
How I missed those times we shared...
All I could ask myself was.. How could you throw away our relationship and everything that we've shared...
I went to 7 Wonder's tournament and saw you there..
I was hoping to see you but when I saw you, I felt something running thorough my spine...
I registered for 7 Wonder's tournament earlier but I never told you because I wanted to surprise you.. But after that, I never had the chance to tell you because we broke up....
I was surprised that you were able to talk to me like a normal friend today...
I think it was such a coincidence for you to be sitting beside me during the tournament... We randomly picked a number and you were seated beside me....
During the tournament, you talked to me and laughed with me.. things felt good...
You even asked me if I would play Blood Rage with you if you receive the game....
How I wished we could be friends like how we used to.....
After the tournament you passed me my clothes.... I felt pain as I took my clothes from your car...
It feels like there's no connection between us anymore...
When I looked into your eyes, I felt like hugging you so tightly....
Eventually we just talked about us and I told you I have things to tell you...
So, we met up at your area and talked for three hours....
I was happy to hear you say that you did love me.. but you just feel that the love for me can only reach to a certain point because of the issues we have and the commitment issues that's in you..
I guess hearing this makes me feel better.. at least I know that the time we spent together, the love I felt was real...
Throughout the whole conversation, I could see how frustrated and agitated you were...
I guess these are the things that you just don't want to think anymore...
I'm sorry for confronting you for answers....
We talked about your deeper issues as well and I do hope that you will fix it....
You said if you cannot solve your commitment issue, you will not get a girlfriend...
I do hope that you can work your way through this with God's grace and overcome it...
There's a lot of things waiting ahead of you.....
I told you that it would be the last time that we'll talk about issues like this and that it would also be the last time you'll see me..because I'll be leaving....
You were shocked when I told you that I'll be leaving to Singapore in less than a month...
You told me that you hope Im going to Singapore not because I'm running away from the things that are happening here.. that it is not because of you that Im leaving..
You said if I am leaving because of you, then you'll have this weight on your shoulder that if anything happens to me.. It would be your fault....
If I choose to go to Singapore to study, even if something happens to me.. It will not be your responsibility... I made the decision to leave and it was my choice.. You will not be held accountable for a decision I make...
Before I left your car, I asked you if I could hug you... After the car accident, I thought and I felt that I will never get the chance to hug you ever again... You told me "sure"....
When I hugged you, it felt so good... It felt so close... It reminded me of how you hugged me when we were still together... You pushed my air to one side and hugged me tightly, slowly rubbing my back..
I will never forget how you held me in your arms....
I will never forget how we were when we were still together.........
I used the same highway, the same road to Subang , everything was the same.. The only thing that was different was us...
The moment I walked into church listening to all the worship songs, I cried again.. I went to the toilet and cry... After the praise and worship today, I went out to the toilet with Yin Li to cry again.. I just couldn't stop crying.. I didn't see you at church today.. I thought you were supposed to come and pass me my things..? I guess you must have overslept....
Things are really different for me today..
Usually on Sunday's, we would head to church together.. We would walk into church holdings hands.. After church we would go for brunch and okay some board games... And after that we would head back to your home to rest...
How I missed those times we shared...
All I could ask myself was.. How could you throw away our relationship and everything that we've shared...
I went to 7 Wonder's tournament and saw you there..
I was hoping to see you but when I saw you, I felt something running thorough my spine...
I registered for 7 Wonder's tournament earlier but I never told you because I wanted to surprise you.. But after that, I never had the chance to tell you because we broke up....
I was surprised that you were able to talk to me like a normal friend today...
I think it was such a coincidence for you to be sitting beside me during the tournament... We randomly picked a number and you were seated beside me....
During the tournament, you talked to me and laughed with me.. things felt good...
You even asked me if I would play Blood Rage with you if you receive the game....
How I wished we could be friends like how we used to.....
After the tournament you passed me my clothes.... I felt pain as I took my clothes from your car...
It feels like there's no connection between us anymore...
When I looked into your eyes, I felt like hugging you so tightly....
Eventually we just talked about us and I told you I have things to tell you...
So, we met up at your area and talked for three hours....
I was happy to hear you say that you did love me.. but you just feel that the love for me can only reach to a certain point because of the issues we have and the commitment issues that's in you..
I guess hearing this makes me feel better.. at least I know that the time we spent together, the love I felt was real...
Throughout the whole conversation, I could see how frustrated and agitated you were...
I guess these are the things that you just don't want to think anymore...
I'm sorry for confronting you for answers....
We talked about your deeper issues as well and I do hope that you will fix it....
You said if you cannot solve your commitment issue, you will not get a girlfriend...
I do hope that you can work your way through this with God's grace and overcome it...
There's a lot of things waiting ahead of you.....
I told you that it would be the last time that we'll talk about issues like this and that it would also be the last time you'll see me..because I'll be leaving....
You were shocked when I told you that I'll be leaving to Singapore in less than a month...
You told me that you hope Im going to Singapore not because I'm running away from the things that are happening here.. that it is not because of you that Im leaving..
You said if I am leaving because of you, then you'll have this weight on your shoulder that if anything happens to me.. It would be your fault....
If I choose to go to Singapore to study, even if something happens to me.. It will not be your responsibility... I made the decision to leave and it was my choice.. You will not be held accountable for a decision I make...
Before I left your car, I asked you if I could hug you... After the car accident, I thought and I felt that I will never get the chance to hug you ever again... You told me "sure"....
When I hugged you, it felt so good... It felt so close... It reminded me of how you hugged me when we were still together... You pushed my air to one side and hugged me tightly, slowly rubbing my back..
I will never forget how you held me in your arms....
I will never forget how we were when we were still together.........
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