Day 12

Today I saw you again.....hmm...
I had lunch with Max at the mamak near your office and I didn't expect to see you there...
Somehow when I tapped my hand at your back, you turned and gave me a frustrated kind of look..
It kept me wondering if I did something wrong or if you had a bad day...
Sigh...
I decided to see Carol at 8 something at night today and she told me you were going around that time too..
She asked me if I could come another day so that it wouldn't be too awkward...
Well, what I had on my mind was if you want to avoid me then you should be the one avoiding me, not me... I told her if we bump then we bump if we don't then we don't....
So after facial I went to the hospital and talked to her... I thought you would not come and that you would avoid me.. It was out of my expectation to see you there...

As we were leaving we managed to talk to each other....
It was a good talk..really it was...
I told you how I understood the importance of listening and the issues that was between us...
And you also told me that you are going to look into your issues.. Im really happy because I think you should really sort your issues out....
I've been praying very hard for you to have a breakthrough and I am sure God is already working on you.. I am really proud of you!!
You told me this 2 weeks have been a roller coaster for you.. You are happy, sad, angry and at times you cry... It made me wonder how much did our relationship really meant to you... I thought you were happy and relieved but when I heard you saying all this, I guess I was wrong.. The break up was painful for the both of us...
You also told me you went on a date with one of your friend and you felt something in you is pulling you back.. I guess it's the same for me... phobia of the opposite gender.. LOL!
I did think to myself what if I were to see you dating another women in future.. What would I do...
I guess I'll feel really hurt and sad.. I might not be able to withstand the pain that I'll withdraw myself from your life entirely... I really don't know... I guess only time will tell and I'm sure it would happen very soon... you'll start dating very very soon again...hmmm..


After talking to you today, I realize I have started to let go of you and that I have moved on.. I could talk to you without feeling hurt.. I could smile when I was talking to you... I didn't cry after we left our own ways... Through this whole process and journey, I see us growing into a better person...
I see some minor changes in you and the fact that you want to do something about your issues is already a breakthrough!.. As for me, I guess you would have realized how I am starting to change...
I'm really happy for the both of us that we are growing and maturing individually....

I still think back about our memories together... I really miss those times....
I miss how you hold me in your arms... and how you kissed me... I really missed those times.....