Day 4

I am typing this as I am at office now..
I've seen a doctor and my ribs are fractured..
I didn't expect you to text me asking me if I'm okay, really did not see it coming..
The way you texted me felt as though you still cared for me in a cold manner..
You told me to tell you if there's anything you could help..
You know at that point, I really felt like saying " Yes, there's is! That is for us to be together like how we once were".. But I know that I should not say it or it will make you more confused..
Every message that I replied, I had to think and pray for the right things to type..

This whole accident really traumatized me..
I thought of a lot of things and I want to change to someone who is more pleasant..
I want to be free of burdens of my past and to learn to let go of the past..
Maybe we both need the time to work on our own issues..
I want to be a whole new Nicole which is not defined by her past experience.. That the experience in her past will not affect her life in future but help her to grow..

Panda, I really am deeply hurt by you...
I never understand why Michelle wanted to leave Malaysia so badly and go elsewhere to study..
But I guess, I do finally understand..
Everywhere I go, I see us and I think of us..
To some people, it's call escaping but to me, it's called wanting a change of environment..
I will be applying to study at Singapore or Australia and I hope I can go..
I do wonder if I were to leave Malaysia, will I be telling you or will I tell you after I have left this place...
Maybe when.. We are really far apart...
Things would be best for the both of us..........