Day 17

A lot of things has happened in the past two days...
Yesterday afternoon you called me telling me that you will have to stay far away from me and that you will not be contacting me for the time being...
I was upset but I thought okay... Until my issues with my ex are settled....
And yesterday night itself I did settled the issue and my ex is currently behind bars...
Somehow God just reminded me that I have a friend who he father is an inspector.. I reached out for help and managed to settle this issue... Praise God for that!
I tried calling you to tell you that the issues have been settled and that your life is not at stake anymore.. But you chose not to answer my call...
I only wanted to tell you that, that night when my ex called me to tell me that he saw me with a guy.. It was a fake.. He wanted to dig more information from me and he wanted to see how much I would tell him.... Thank goodness I didn't give any information...
I texted you to call me back because it was very hard to type it out through whatsapp...
I never expected you to block me through whatsapp today after reading my message....
You know the feeling of being block is like being blacklisted....
I thought okay... Maybe you thought I wanted to tell you more problems that you didn't want to be involved.. So I typed a message and asked Wenni to send to you....
However you still chose to continue blocking me on whatsapp....
So I guess this is your decision then...

I got a little out of hand because I didn't understand why you had to be so extreme and drastic as to blocking me on whatsapp...
Jess called me and talked to me over the phone...
She explained to me that the leaders said you shouldn't be the one who should be giving me the emotional support than I need.. I should be seeking the emotional support form the other female leaders and not you.. Because if you continue to provide me with this support, it would just complicate things...
I understand what she's saying and the intentions behind it..
It was your choice to choose this extreme way...
You might be thinking to yourself that you've told me yesterday that we should not contact for the time being but I'm not listening because I contacted you last night... So the immediate way to solve this way to block me so I wouldn't be able to text you and you wouldn't receive any messages from me...
It works well in the short term... But how you thought of the long term?
Or do you expect me to understand that this is just for the time being and everything would resume after this season....?
You might be thinking that this would work well for now and that after we have the distance between us.. Or when you decide to unblock me when you're ready that things would be the same that we could still be friends....
But let me tell you... The moment you block me on whatsapp, you've sent me an indirect message to me already... How I perceive your actions would be " Please get out of my life, I don't need you to be in my life"... Yeah, this is how I preceived the whole thing... Or maybe this is the message you would like to send to me as well...
It's either you are thinking that it's gonna be for the time being or that you do indeed want me out of your life....
But to me.. It's more to wanting me out of your life...
I know you've passed your DFM exam... I'm really happy for you and that I'm very proud of you too...
If we were still together, we would probably celebrate tomorrow...
If we were still friends, I would've been able to congratulate you...
But now that we're nothing, I can't do anything....
I'm really happy you passed your exam and it brings back some memories to me...
I remembered how I sent you an email to calm you down and to cheer you up...
You told me my email really calmed you down and you were more still....
Now I'm wondering now that you've passed, do you remember me supporting you through your exam? Or me calming you down...? I guess not...
I read all the comments people wished you on Facebook.. And I guess you don't need me to congratulate you for passing.... There are a lot of people waiting to celebrate with you and to wish you congratulations... With or without my wishes makes no difference... You probably don't even want me to wish you congratulations...
If I really do want to wish you congratulations... I could easily send you a text message or to drop you a Facebook message wishing you congratulations...
But I won't be doing it... I will not be wishing you because you want me out of your life...
You don't need me to congratulate you...
This is decision you made to eliminate me out of your life and I respect your decision...

I'm going through another grieving process where I feel that I've lost a friend...
It's going to be very hard to adjust myself to treat you like a stranger...
If we ever meet at church or homes or anything...
I will not acknowledge your presence neither will I talk to you...
To me, we're just strangers....
I don't know if you know how much you've hurt me by blocking me... And the indirect message you've sent me by taking this action...
You probably couldn't be bothered anyway for now.. You're too busy being happy over the pass of your exam... You're just happy now and whatever things or issues that are present will be swept aside...
I'm happy that your list of success is getting longer.. And that the failures in your life has reduced...
I wished I could be sharing your joy with you but not anymore; not even as friends..
You must be really happy now and happy at work tomorrow because of the joy of your success...
I'm not shocked if you stop thinking of the issues and problems between us..
Or if you've stopped thinking about the decision you made to block me on whatsapp...
You wouldn't need to think of all these unhappy events when you have other things to be happy about.. When you have people to celebrate the joy of  your success....
I would like to think... The intentions of what you've said and done was for the best interest for the both of us.. And as much as it hurts me, it hurts you too...
As much as I can try to understand your intentions and reason behind your actions.. That is so much that j can understand.. No matter how much I understand it will never change how I perceived your actions and it will not change how hurt I feel...

But whatever it is...
I'm happy that you passed your exam.....
Congratulations on passing your exams Panda!! I'm very proud of you and always have been....

Goodbye Panda...
Goodbye to my good friend... My best friend... And to the guy I love a lot...
From now on, we're just strangers..
I don't know how things would be in future... But take care....
I will always remember the time we spent together.....
It will always be a part of me and my memories....