Day 21

Today I drove to church at 8am only to realise that Yinli overslept..
I thought great, let me drive around as I was feeling a little lousy in me...
I drove around for a while and drove home...
While I was in my car at home, I thought about us again.. For the past one week I felt heartache and pain in me but i couldn't cry. Somehow I manage to cry today, it's a good thing I guess.  I browsed through all our photos in my phone and videos of you. Tears started rolling down from my cheeks and I started crying. Then feeling of being stab in my heart is very real and I don't know how else to describe this pain in me. It's just too much for me to bear.
I'm sure that you've deleted all of our pictures together or pictures of me.
You've been deleting and cutting everything to do with me, what else can you not do?

Wenni told me today that Joash and her would be attending some Chinese Nee Year dinner arranged by Gareth. Immediately, I knew you were definitely going to do, just some instict in me. True enough, she told me that she heard you were going along. I told Wenni, if we were still together, I would probably be following you to the dinner and I'll see her there, sadly that's not the case.
I know it's very unhealthy for me but I asked Wenni how were you like. I wanted to know if you were doing fine and if you were happy. She told me you were chatting and joking around with the guys and you look like your normal self at least from the outside. It kept me wondering if you would ever be feeling the pain I'm feeling now, I guess not so much.
Wheyhwe you feel what I'm feeling or not, I know you would be keeping yourself busy with everything.. Just like you are, I'm also keeping myself busy.
I received a call from Meeples yesterday that I am in for the 7 Wonders final tournament..
I was shocked but I was not happy. I didn't know if I should go for the tournament because initially I joined this tournament was because of you. I wanted to support you and to be there for you as you play this favorite game of yours in a tournament. Even as friends when we played this tournament together, you told me if I were to enter the finals, you would go to support me but definitely not anymore..
Should I go? Hmm..
I went for a board games session today with ZR and his group of people...
Played two different games and it was really fun. I guess you're also having fun playing board games with Gareth's group after your dinner..
Somehow, playing board games without you around felt different. It felt as though something was missing but I don't know what. It's not like the rest of them are not fun to play with but having you around is definitely different.
I really miss your presence, your presence still lingers in me.

I felt a lot of hatred and anger in me today.
I couldn't stop thinking about the things you did to hurt me.
I don't understand how could you be so mean and so cold to me...
I just... Don't know anymore.