Day 11 ( The importance of Listening)

I came across this verse that reminded me of the thing you dislike about me...

Proverbs 18:2 - "A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions"..

It really reminded me of how bad a listener I was to you and to the people around me...

Little did I know listening plays an important part in any relationship.. If only I realize how important this was as it was also stated in the Bible, our relationship might have gone further.. It's too late to regret now and all I can do is to improve myself and be a better Nicole....

Why is listening so important?

1. Listening is a form of love. By listening, we put aside our agenda, we take a break from what we are doing and give our attention to the other. Listening requires selflessness and humility. It is a form of love and love is good for all relationships.

2. Listening shows you care. Listening shows you want to understand what the other person is experiencing, is feeling and is thinking. When someones close to you senses that you are not really listening to what they have to say, that person is rightfully hurt. Not listening gives the message that you are not interested in the other person or what the person has to say. Listening shows you care which in turn strengthens relationships.

All these while you have been talking about how much you long for people to listen to you but I guess I just neglected your feelings. I was asking myself why didn't you tell me to change and be a better listener for you or why didn't you just tell me off.. I guess you didn't want to change how I was as a person because you feel that it isn't right to change a person and that shouldn't be the way. Well, I guess to me it's not changing me, it's becoming a better me.. I hope I can acquire this skills of listening and be a blessing to the people around me.. If only I realized earlier... things might have been different...

My feelings was rather mixed up today.. I felt anger and hatred in me...

I remembered there was once when you told me all these years no girl's gave you the feeling of wanting to be in a relationship until you met me.. But 2 weeks ago you told me when you started this relationship with me, your feelings wasn't as strong as you thought it would be.. I felt the anger in me and the hatred too... I asked myself why should I continue loving you, caring for you as well as supporting you when everything was wrong from day 1.. I asked myself why should I continue waiting for you when you will never reciprocate to my love or be committed to me... I asked myself why should I be upset over a guy who claimed to love me but hurts me in the end...

A different kind of pain I've felt today...hmm...

I asked my mum if she sees any changes in me since I've started a relationship with you..

She said she could see me going to the right path back to Christ.. and that I am becoming a better person and know what I want in my life... 

She said the biggest difference she sees in me is not when I am with you.. Instead it is after we've broken up...

She said throughout this period of us being apart, the things that I say and do really show's that I've mature and grown up compared to before... Which she thinks it is a positive change.... 

Sigh.. must I go through a break up to grow and mature? It's a very painful way.. but I guess if it was planned by God then He must have he reasons to allow me to go through this..

I read through all the sweet messages you've sent to me in the past..

I thought I would cry but I didn't...

I read this message with you saying that you will never give up on this relationship until you have given your best...

I asked myself if you've given your best.. and I also asked myself if you have ever asked yourself this question before you gave up on us...Sigh... 

You know I really feel like  giving up on you.. when I have made my mind to give up on someone/something.. I will go all out doing it and there will never be any U-turn... But somehow, there's this feeling in me telling me not to close this book..... I don't know why am I feeling this way..

I prayed to God that if you are meant for me, please do not bring anymore guys into my life and just leave things the way it is.. I'll just wait for the right timing for us to reconnect again...

I suddenly have this urge of hugging you from the back, squeezing you tightly against my body... feeling the warmth of your body... I miss hugging you a lot....